It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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