Are we in a gay sports bar?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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