Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize