my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
