i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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