in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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