sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
