What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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