i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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