They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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