My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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