K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
