I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
