Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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