just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
