before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
