Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
