meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize