i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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