You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
