You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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