2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
