Apparently you make a good broom.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
