your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
