I accidentally burped into my bong.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
