I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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