She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
