I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
