This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
