I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
