found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
