I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
