Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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