He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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