You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
