I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
