I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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