my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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