I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize