Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
