She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The Olympian is in my bed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
