today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
