making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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