OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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