i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
