so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
