So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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