We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
