There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize