if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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