"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
