I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
