I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
