Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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