Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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