Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
