i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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