Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish you could order shots online.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
