I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
