I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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