dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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