1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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