I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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