I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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