Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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