No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
