Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize