His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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