I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
