you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
