there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
