Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
