hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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