did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
