Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We are all done wearing pants today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
