i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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