you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
A+ Viking dick
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize