Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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