Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Randomize
