I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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