Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize