She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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