Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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