i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
