If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
