yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize