Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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