do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
