it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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