Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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