My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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