This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize