omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize