Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
