dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
