guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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