Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
