my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize