Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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