paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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