he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
