There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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